


I can't let you get hurt

by Mangomelions



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Happy Ending, M/M, Mutual Pining, Self-Esteem Issues, mental health
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-24
Updated: 2019-04-24
Packaged: 2020-01-25 21:33:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18583006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mangomelions/pseuds/Mangomelions
Summary: Phil reads something of Dan's on his laptop, and realises how much he cares





	I can't let you get hurt

**Author's Note:**

> kinda short and idk, sad tw low self esteem, really emotionanal.

Phil stretched himself out like a cat and rolled over on the couch. It was a lazy day. Dan had left a few minutes ago, supposedly to get ice cream, and Phil smiled when he thought of it.    
They hadn't argued about who would go. Phil would have offered if given the chance, but Dan hadn't let him.   
He had simply looked over at Phil, from his side of the couch, and asked him what he was thinking of. When Phil replied "ice cream", Dan had gotten to his feet, slipped his jacket over his shoulders and, with a smile at Phil, left the room. A few seconds later, Phil heard the front door open and close.   
Well, Phil thought with a chuckle, he thought Dan had gone to get Ice cream. He could have just got sick of Phil's constant need for snacks, and gone for a break. Phil shook his head at the thought. if Dan was gonna get sick of him, he would have done it way before then.   
Phil realised he should probably at least tweet today, so he reached over the arm of the sofa to retrieve his mac book.   
After positioning it on his lap and opening the lid, Phil immediately realises his mistake.   
This wasn't his computer. It was Dan's.   
And it was open to a text document with the heading "what the hell even is this".  
Phil knew he shouldn't read this, but certain words were catching his attention, his own name being one of them.   
:::  
Why is this happening? I wish i could keep ignoring it, but I can't.  Phil is the most important person in the world to me, but we are just friends. And that's all we'll ever be. He doesn't like me like that. Even if he did, I wouldn't deserve him. I wouldn't want him to be with me. I wouldn't want to condemn him like that.   
I love him. I can't deny that. But I can't let it control me. He can never find out. If he did, I don't know what i'd do. It would make it awkward between us, and i need him, the way we are. I love him, and I have to keep him safe. from me.   
:::  
Phil put the Mac book back down, and stared at the ceiling for a minute.   
Dan loved him.  And now, he realised, he loved Dan. It should be so simple but it wasn't. He wished he could kiss Dan, he wished he could hug him and tell him of course he loves him, why wouldn't he? Phil hated himself for not saying so earlier. He hated himself for being such a coward.   
At that moment, Dan appeared at the door. Phil hadn't heard him come in, so jumped out of his skin when he felt a soft tap on his shoulder. Phil rolled over on the couch, turning to look at Dan.   
Dan's eyes were different. How had he missed this before? Behind the usual sparkle was a numb kind of sadness, Phil saw that now.   
"Budge up." Dan said, moving around the sofa. Phil saw he was holding two bowls of his favourite ice cream, so obliged with a smile.  
He curled his feet up closer to his body, making room for Dan to sit at the end of the couch.   
Dan did, and passed Phil one of the bowls.   
Phil took it gratefully and elongated his legs again, so his feet were resting in Dan's lap. It was such a casual gesture, but he felt Dan tense a little, before relaxing with a small smile.   
"Are you actually wearing matching socks today, Phil?" Dan laughed at him.  
They fell into easy conversation, and eventually fell asleep, while watching an anime.  
The next few days past almost as normal, but Phil found himself acting different around Dan.   
Dan began to notice.   
"Why have you been like this, Phil? What happened?" Dan was relaxed, but there was something serious in his eyes as he looked over at Phil.   
"Nothing." At this, Dan caught Phil's arm  
"Nothing means something. What's wrong? "  
"Why do you think something's up?"  
"You've been acting weird. Like, cuddly". Dan cringed as he said that word, it made everything awkward.   
Phil felt his face heat up. He didn't know how to get out of this.   
"I just....It just felt natural. I'm sorry,  you're uncomfortable, I can stop." All Phil wanted was for Dan to be happy. He had only been trying to help.   
"No" Dan said too quickly. "No, I'm just worried about you."  
Phil suppressed a laugh. Dan was worried about HIM? Why was everything so complicated?  
"I'm fine, Dan, but thank you."   
A thoughtful expression crossed Dan's face, and after a moment, he leaned towards Phil and wrapped his arms around him. Then he let go, quickly padding out of the room.  
Phil was sick of this. He wanted to kiss Dan, to hug him and move closer to him on the sofa without having to explain himself. He wanted Dan to be his.   
And, faulty brain chemistry aside, Dan wanted that too.   
Phil couldn't be scared anymore.   
He walked through the house, to Dan's room, slower than usual. A million thoughts racing through his head, he had to figure out the perfect thing to say. He didn't want to scare Dan away.   
It wasn't until he reached Dan's room, and saw Dan, leaning against his bedroom wall and mumbling to himself.   
"Idiot" He kept mumbling over and over, eyes closed, so he didn't notice when Phil entered the room.   
Taking two steps towards Dan, Phil put his hand on his best friend's arm and turned him to face him. Dan let out a little squeak of surprise as he found himself being pulled against Phil's chest. After a second he relaxed himself against the older guy, and rested his head on Phil's shoulder.   
They stayed like that for a while, and then Phil spoke.   
"You are everything to me, Dan. I know you feel the same, and I know you think you don't deserve me. But you deserve the world, and I don't deserve to live without you. I love you,  and nothing you could ever say to me could make me love you less."  
Dan pushed Phil away from him violently, not caring that he hit his head against the wall.  
It hurt, but not as much as his heart. Phil loved him. Phil was too close to him.   
"I can't, I can't let you get hurt."  
"Dan, Dan, listen to me. You are not going to hurt me. You could never hurt me. I'm your Phil, okay. And I'm never going to do anything you aren't comfortable with. But I want you, Bear."  
"You'll get sick of me. "  
" Its been nine years, if that was going to happen it would have already. I love your more now than  I ever have before, and that's only going to grow as the years go on."

Dan stared at Phil and the seconds turned into minutes. Phil stood there, waiting for a reply. for another reason why they would never work.   
But he didn't get one.   
Suddenly, Dan's lips were against Phil's and they were pressed together, Dan pinning Phil against the wall by his wrists.   
He pulled back and smiled playfully.   
"Promise?"  
Phil smiled back at him, his tongue between his teeth.   
"Promise." he said and flipped Dan over so their positions were switched.    
He kissed a neat line up the younger guy's neck and found his lips. Dan returned the pressure, his hand finding Phil's t-shirt and scrunching up the fabric between his fingers. After a moment, Dan felt Phil's tongue brush against his bottom lip, and he opened mouth slightly and let Phil deepen the kiss.   
It was slow, and romantic and everything they wanted.   
Dan let out a little moan as Phil pulled away from him.   
"I love you, so much, Bear. "  
"Love you too, you spork."


End file.
